I’m back, and hopefully for good too. And as you might have guessed, I’m here to admit that I’ve been struggling. Bad. I’m trying my best to get back on track, but something always manages to throw me off. I promised to get back into the swing of things after Christmas; then it was after New Year’s; and lately it’s always tomorrow. I’ve always been the person who says “no, start now.” I almost feel apathetic towards my health in general right now.
I don’t know what happened to the girl who was on a roll with this weight loss thing. I sort of feel like I’ve lost her somewhere along the way. I feel like I’ve been on a downward spiral from June of 2011 until now. I’ve gained 23 lbs; I now weigh 286, my lowest was 263.
I feel like I’ve been screwing around for too long. I have feelings of shame, guilt. I still get messages from people telling me what an inspiration I am and asking me for advice. I recently got asked to be profiled by a fitness magazine on people who have successfully lost weight and self-sabotaged the opportunity by not even replying to the email. My confidence is at a low. The lowest it’s been in awhile.
If I’m being honest, I think a few things have kept me away from this space. The first of them being that several people I know in real life now know about this space after the Glamour.com article ran. Before, this blog was on a need-to-know basis, meaning that only the people closest to me knew about it. Now, my co-workers and acquaintances seem to know about it too. I hate that. So I may be changing my URL (as much as I love it) in the coming weeks. I need to have that sense of privacy again. That feeling that what I say can be said without my entire social circle knowing about it.
Another thing that has been keeping me away is how stressed out I’ve been. My boss has put me in charge of a start-up project. You know, to develop during the “free time” I have while working two other positions. It can be exciting, but it’s also the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. I’m swamped, understaffed, and doing the work of 10 people most days. I’m exhausted almost all the time and the last thing I want to do is add more things to my “to-do list” by planning every single meal. It’s hard to do when you’re strapped for time and energy, so most days I settle with just trying to do the best I can.
Deep down, I know that these are all excuses. Life can be hard. But how you react to it is what makes all the difference. I want to be better. I need to be better. I need to make my health a priority.
Thanks for being here, and continuing to message me even though I’ve all but vanished. It means a lot and I hope you’re all doing well. Miss you guys.
- mustbelieveinme likes this
- l-8-10 said: ALISA! I’ve missed you! It sounds like you needed to take some time and just not think about weight loss. I feel like focusing too much on it is just as bad as not focusing on it enough. I want to be here for you 100%. You need anything, I’m here!
- yummybites likes this
- measuringlife said: we’re here rooting for you. this space is the best thing that has happened to me. i’m thankful i’ve kept it private from my “real life” i think a URL change would be good. even if its efffthisdiet :)
- measuringlife likes this
- normalsized likes this
- missystubborngirly likes this
- sonjaruns likes this
- twentythreetolife said: miss you too alisa. it takes a lot to admit that you feel defeated. glad to have you back.
- shesalmostthere said: Missed you!!!! We all go through tough shit, but how wonderful that we can always come back here to each other. Good luck!
- ironmanredux likes this
- runkathrynrun said: so glad to see you back alisa! let me know if i can help you out, i’m only a few minutes away from you :)
- missmarisol likes this
- stateofactivity said: Love you Alisa!
- stateofactivity likes this
- sunshineandhipline likes this
- smaller-n-smaller said: I love you. And you can do this!
- smaller-n-smaller likes this
- liftingbeerandliz said: I miss you! Please come back :) we all fall off the wagon, but we can get back up again!
- karengetsgoing said: Welcome back! Sooooo happy to see you again. I’m here to support you in any way I can. And I completely understand about the URL change + need for privacy. I’m on that road as well…
- snapthistiger likes this
- cariesmarried said: I was just wondering today what happened to you. Glad to have you back. If you change your URL will your followers still be your followers or will I have to find you back?
- despetitesvictoires said: you are still awesome and will continue to be so alyssa! [allisa sp?] just a reminder. =)
- pixiethin likes this
- jumboloving likes this
- runwrite likes this
- gingerisrunning likes this
- onlykurls likes this
- justbrooksy said: Welcome back, I’ve missed your smiling face. I understand about the URL change I’m flirting with that too.
- shortmom said: Time to say “no” to other people and “yes” to yourself? Make meal planning and 30 minutes a day just for YOU. Prioritize yourself into the list. We’re here for you!
- shortmom likes this
- whatrhymeswithemily said: You can frickin’ do it! I have also been struggling, hardcore. It doesn’t get easier, but you’ve only lost when you’ve given up. Until then, you’re still in the game.
- madamefall likes this
- kb-minus40 likes this
- toridanielleloveslife likes this
- courtneyloveslife likes this
- courtneyloveslife said: Glad you are back! I’m sorry you feel defeated…but remember how far you’ve come from your highest weight! You are definitely still a huge inspiration! Can’t wait to see you continue to kick ass!
- sayhellotocindy likes this
- tribander said: You just did better. Now step 2… Don’t be afraid to enlist your community. :) xoxo
- drethecajun said: Good to see your pretty face on my dash again. Miss you. I hope I’ll get well someday and can go to yoga. Let’s get together soon, please.
- keepingupwithmcjones likes this
- drethecajun likes this
- effthisdiet posted this